13 July 2006
Emotionally, the last few days have been a lot like the proverbial amusement park ride. I've been visiting my mother during her second round of chemotherapy. Monday was a day of encouraging news which put mom in one of the best moods she has been in during the whole process. Tuesday was just the opposite. She woke up with no feeling in her left hand and hasn't been able to use it since. We have had another scan done and are waiting for the doctors to decide if this is a temporary thing or not. Either way, it has been difficult for mom to adjust to the idea of possibly being one-handed - and rightfully so. I know it is scary for her to face losing some of her independence; it makes her illness seem that much more real.
The hard part for me is not being sure what to do. Sometimes encouraging her works, other times no words I can offer seem to help. I know that just by being with her during this is helpful, but I wish I could do more. I also want to be able to draw near to God during this time, but there is a large part of me that just wants the situation to be "fixed". I do see the Lord at work, but it sure isn't enjoyable. My main prayer has just been for grace for today (both for mom and myself and all those who are involved with her). 2 Corinthians 12:9 has been a staple passage for me. I appreciate all who are praying.
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