Transitions

Since my last post when I announced my engagement in September life has been and continues to be a series of transitions. The first of the transitions was the move to married life. Jenni and I were wed in December and have spent the last six months getting oriented to married life. Having remained single into our thirties (way into my thirties), our experience is unique among our friends. We regularly encounter extreme gratefulness to God for allowing us to finally find each other. At the same time, we regularly find ourselves butting up against our well-developed patterns of life/though that we established during our singleness. It makes for an interesting experience at times, but we are still enjoying the journey.


The second transition is the vocational one. Two weeks ago, we decided to transition off of the staff of Campus Crusade in order to work with Emmanuel House Seminary here in Manhattan, KS. We have both discovered over the last few years that shepherding others towards maturity in Christ and developing leaders for God's work in the world are passions of ours. And while we had both been involved in those activities in our respective ministries, we felt that Emmanuel House afforded us the opportunity to work more out of our giftings and preferred work styles as we did so.

Personally, this move has been an emotional one for me. Although I sense that this move is from the Lord, it is difficult for someone like me who has a high loyalty factor to say good-bye to an organization and a family of people who have been so wonderful to me and have given me the platform to influence others for the kingdom for almost 16 years. In many ways it is another loss for me. For those of you reading this who are a part of the Crusade family, we are planning on attending Ministry Days in July in Ft. Collins and hope to catch up with many of you there.

We are excited for this next phase in life and invite you all to share it with us.

Engaged

There are some people who thought this would never happen. And at times in my life, I was one of them. But on Friday night, I got to see the good Lord's provision first-hand. I took Jenni up to Scenic Overlook outside of town which was the site of our first kiss. As we watched darkness descend on the Konza prairie we talked about our relationship and some of our favorite memories.

At one point, Jenni reminded me that our first visit to Scenic Overlook was after my mother's birthday party where she had met my family for the first time. She said, "I remember thinking that I really loved those people (my family)." To which I replied, "Well, I hope you'll be willing to love them for a long time." I then sat her on a nearby bench, got down on one knee, pulled out the ring and said, "Jenni, I love you. Will you marry me?" She said "Yes" immediately and there was much rejoicing! Hooraaayyyyy!

In the few days since, there have been times when we have both gotten nervous or frustrated with the process. But the experience of helping each other through those moments gives me a glimpse of what marriage could be like and makes me even more excited. We aren't sure what we will do next in life. We are both in campus ministry and want to continue to develop healthy leaders and laborers for the kingdom, we just don't know where or how yet. We will keep you posted. (Note: I said "we")

The rest of the story

I'm usually not that great with surprises, but sometimes I really enjoy them. Thursday was one of those cases. The "Birthday that took a while to end" stretched into day three on Thursday night (there was a pre-birthday cookies and cup cakes extravaganza at my seminary class on Tuesday night).

Before the weekly gathering of the campus ministry that I work with a student approached me and handed me a bucket that said, "Happy B-day, B-Wat" on it. She then proceeded to drop a single golf ball signed by her into the bucket. I was not really sure what to make of the whole thing as I was genuinely surprised. A few moments later a couple other students that I knew came up and tossed more signed golf balls into the bucket. Now I was starting to catch on. Over the course of the evening 40-50 students came up and wished me a happy birthday and added their golf balls to the collection. It was a very kind gesture and really made me feel appreciated. I was almost embarrassed at all of the attention.

As if that weren't enough, after the meeting was over, I was told to wait around until 9:45. I knew there was a scavenger hunt going on after the meeting and figured that it had something to do with that. When I walked out into the entryway of the Student Union, a large group of people began singing Happy Birthday to me and announced that they had brought refreshments. One of the students, a semi-professional cake decorator, had made me a cake and decorated it like a golf course (see picture). It was pretty amazing. She even used brown sugar for the sand trap - very creative. The cake was awesome as were the birthday wishes.

And to top it all off, when I got home I had a birthday card from my friend Mark. In it he said that he had purchased me a one-year subscription to SciFi magazine. Does he know me or what? Thanks, Mark! You are awesome!

Day four (Friday) brought more celebration when my team of co-workers cooked lunch for the whole team and served yet another cake (no golf theme this time). It was almost an entire week of celebrating. It makes me wonder if God is trying to tell me something about the value of celebration. Even if not, it was a great week.

Birthday thoughts...

I don't usually cry when I receive a birthday present, but this year was different. For most folks, birthdays aren't that big of a deal. And they probably wouldn't be in my family either except that my mom always made them so. Her love-language was gift-giving, so birthdays and other holidays were her time to shine. And when she gave, she never did it half-way. Past birthday presents have included such things as a lawn mower, a kitchen table and chairs and a surround sound system. Mom was always a picture to me of how generous God is to us.

So you can imagine how different things felt on my first birthday without her. No card in the mail, no package on my doorstep when I got home from campus, no outrageous check with a picture printed off of the internet showing what I was supposed to purchase with it in my mail box. Nothing. Until...

My wonderful girlfriend shows up at my house Wednesday evening a few minutes before we are to go eat steak with some of my friends (can you get a better birthday? I think not.). In addition to the hand-made card filled with things she appreciates about me, she is carrying a wrapped box. Upon opening it, I discover a brand new pair of Keens (see picture). And I cried. And then I cried some more.

On the surface, it was just a pair of really cool hiking/rafting sandals. But underneath it was so much more. Some one had seen me. They knew me well enough to know what I liked. And they were extravagant in their giving (they aren't cheap sandals). And all of a sudden it felt like mom was there. And God was good. I know my sweetie wasn't trying to live up to the memory of my mother. She was just being herself. But mom would have been proud. It is one of the many reasons why I love her.

So, not a bad birthday after all. And the steak and friends at dinner were good too. Thanks to my friends for sharing the day with me. And the crazy part is that the birthday didn't end there. But that is fodder for another post.

In Memoriam - Diane Watson (1937-2006)

Surrounded by her family and friends, my wonderful mother, Diane Donaldson Watson (pictured with her boys ca. 2003), went home to be with the Lord this evening at 6:26pm. Two days ago, there was no way we could have forseen what has transpired. Sometime early Tuesday morning, my mother suffered a second stroke while in the hospital. When my brother arrived this morning around 6:30, it appeared that she was sleeping soundly. But when her doctor arrived an hour later and was not able to rouse her from her sleep to examine her, we knew the end was near. We stayed by her side all day and were with her when she passed. It was a sacred moment that, while profoundly sad, is one I will always cherish. Her final words to me when I left Monday night around midnight were, "I love you." I couldn't have asked for more. She was one of the most generous, giving and caring people I've ever known and my brother and I will miss her more than words can express. Yet there is so much that was wonderful about her and how she touched others around her that I believe her life is worth remembering joyfully even as we mourn. In Romans 12, the apostle Paul commands us to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. I invite you to enter into either or both as the Lord leads.

Update on Mom

I normally use this site to share my reflections on life experiences rather than just communicating information, but today this seems like the easiest medium to share with my readers.

Early this morning, my mom suffered a stroke that has affected the entire left side of her body. She is in the hospital and we are waiting to see what will need to happen next. She may recover some use on her left side, but there is no guarantee. The hard part about all of this is that it raises questions about extended care and advanced directives - things most folks in their 30's don't usually have to think about. It has been really good to do this with my brother. I am really grateful for him. And our neighbors and my girlfriend have been amazing. The Lord is kind to take care of us even in the midst of hardship. It is really hard to see mom deteriorate so quickly - we didn't expect this. Yet I trust that the Lord is with us, even in the valley of the shadow.

The Roller Coaster

13 July 2006

Emotionally, the last few days have been a lot like the proverbial amusement park ride. I've been visiting my mother during her second round of chemotherapy. Monday was a day of encouraging news which put mom in one of the best moods she has been in during the whole process. Tuesday was just the opposite. She woke up with no feeling in her left hand and hasn't been able to use it since. We have had another scan done and are waiting for the doctors to decide if this is a temporary thing or not. Either way, it has been difficult for mom to adjust to the idea of possibly being one-handed - and rightfully so. I know it is scary for her to face losing some of her independence; it makes her illness seem that much more real.

The hard part for me is not being sure what to do. Sometimes encouraging her works, other times no words I can offer seem to help. I know that just by being with her during this is helpful, but I wish I could do more. I also want to be able to draw near to God during this time, but there is a large part of me that just wants the situation to be "fixed". I do see the Lord at work, but it sure isn't enjoyable. My main prayer has just been for grace for today (both for mom and myself and all those who are involved with her). 2 Corinthians 12:9 has been a staple passage for me. I appreciate all who are praying.

A picture is worth...well, you know

5 July 2006

Yesterday I was trying to explain the documentary "Trekkies" to some friends at a 4th of July picnic. I think the picture posted by jkirlin on his blog says quite a bit about the folks in the film. I hope you enjoy it.

Speaking of jkirlin, if you enjoy good photography at all, check out his blog. He has a great eye and really captures every day life in and around his home of Bangor, Maine well. Your visit will be worth your time.

Juxtaposition and Continuity

3 July 2006

Over the past few weeks I've been asked a number of times how I am doing/feeling. Each time I've had trouble searching for a word that describes it. I think that "juxtaposed" (or more accurately the phrase "juxtaposition of emotions") is a helpful one. OK, quick vocabulary lesson: juxtaposed means two (or more) images/ideas placed together for contrasting effect. The accompanying picture is a contrast in architectural styles. The juxtaposition of the modern glass and steel structure with the surrounding stone and mortar castle-work illustrates the idea fairly well. Both construction methods sitting next to each other provide a sharp contrast.

Recently, my internal life has seemed a series of juxtapositions. My feelings of sadness and fear concerning my mother and her health are juxtaposed with feelings of joy and gratefulness that she is feeling normal and is able to live life like she always has. Feelings of grief and loss are juxtaposed with feelings of excitement and joy over new relationships (my second nephew and wonderful girlfriend). The seemingly monumental (mom's health, new relationships, uncertainty about my future vocational options) is juxtaposed with the seemingly mundane (going to the store, painting my kitchen, worrying about my electric bill). To be honest, I don't always know how to feel or which emotion I am feeling the most. I suppose I'm probably feeling many of them at the same time.

The one thing brings continuity to this collection of juxtapositions is God's presence with me in the midst of all of them. Over the last year, passages about God being with us have become some of my favorites (Isaiah 43:1-7 and Psalm 23 especially). Even though I don't experience it as much as I would like, I'm learning that God's presence is more important than any set of circumstances we can experience. Whether it is joy or sorrow, fear or confidence, health or sickness, God promises to be with us. My prayer for myself, my mother and all who are journeying with us is that we would experience an increasing sense of Jesus' presence in our lives. I invite you to pray the same.

Providential Blessings

17 June 2006

A number of years ago, a good reformed friend of mine decided he wanted to stop using the phrase "good luck" because he wasn't sure that luck was harmonious with the idea of a completely sovereign God. So instead he began wishing people "providential blessings". At the time, I liked the phrase and began using it as well and it seems to have stuck with me. I'm still not sure what I think about luck but the more I think about it, I really do want others (and myself) to experience the good providence of our Lord in life. And I think that using the phrase sounds all cool and theological and stuff. OK, all of this is preface for my real point.

When I took the trip to Israel with my mother (pictured with me), I remember being incredibly grateful to God that He allowed me to see all of the places that I saw. But now, three months later, I am even more grateful that He allowed me to see those things with my mother. On Tuesday, my wonderful mom was diagnosed with advanced stage lung cancer. Having lost my father to the same disease twelve years ago, it was very hard news to hear. We don't know how long we will have with mom, but I am so grateful to God that I got to see the places where Jesus walked with the woman who first took me to church and helped lay the foundation for me coming to know Christ myself. I will never forget walking the streets of Jerusalem with mom and eating falafel at a little restaurant. That time with her seeing those things was a providential blessing in the truest sense of the phrase. Thanks, Lord. I pray that You will give us many more in the time we have left together.

Dead Sea

This picture was taken on 28 March 2006. I only recently acquired it from a friend. This is from the trip to Israel and it was taken at the end of our last day there. We were staying in a hotel on the Dead Sea and some of us couldn't resist the opportunity to actually float in the famous body of water (I'm on the right). It was a truly unique experience. The water is so full of minerals that you can't sink. We basically walked out until it was up past our waists and then leaned back like we were reclining in a chair - and that's about as far as we got. If you float on your stomach it is almost impossible to get your feet under you and touch bottom. You are better off rolling onto your back and standing up that way. It was an amazing evening. The sun was setting, the water was warm and in the distance we could see towns on the opposite shore of the Sea in the country of Jordan. How often do you get to do that? Very cool.

Blog Management

10 June 2006

OK, so I have much I want to write about, some serious and some fun. I hope over the next few days to get a little of both on the blog, but for today I thought I'd try a fun one.

My friend, Chris, over at Nihilfit is right: if you are trying to keep track of more than a couple of blogs, you really need to sign up for a Bloglines account. It is free and allows you to track all of your blogs from one page (click on image for a better view). In two clicks you can see who has posted that day and who hasn't, saving you the trouble of manually checking each blog for updates. Subscribing to blogs is fairly easy and you can even have the site add a "Subscribe with Bloglines" button in your browser bar so that when you stumble across a new blog you can add it to your list of feeds in two clicks.

The site allows you to read the posts straight from the Bloglines page or you can go to the blog itself. Bloglines doesn't give you all of the formatting of the actual blog, but it does include any posted pictures. It is simply one of the best tools on the internet that I have seen. So sign up!

I'm back

25 May 2006

So school is out and I'm hoping to start blogging a little more often. This started as a travel journal, but I think I'd like to turn it into something more regular. So...here we go. I'll usually stick to my thoughts on life, but today I have something fun I recently discovered.

The picture is a screenshot of a computer program (Macintosh only) called Delicious Library. It allows you to catalog your books, movies, music and games and then track the people that you loan them out to. The really fun part is that if you connect a firewire video camera to your computer, the software turns it into a bar-code scanner so you can scan in all of your items really quickly. After you enter/scan an item in, the software looks it up on Amazon.com and loads all of the relevant information and a cover photo. Very cool. I still have a few books to enter, but it is really handy. The software costs $40 but was totally worth it for me. I think there are some free web-based offerings out there and I would assume there are some Windows-compatible offerings as well. But if you are a Mac person and have a bunch of stuff that you want returned when you loan them out, Delicious Library is for you. Check it out at www.delicious-monster.com

A fresh reading

4 April 2006

This is my first post-trip post. I can't promise that there will be all that many in the future, but when I experience something worth talking about, I'll post.

So this morning was the first chance I have had to really sit down and read the Bible since my trip to the Holy Land. Before I left a bunch of people told me, "you'll never read the Bible the same again." Of course, being the self-conscious person that I am I thought, "Oh no, what if I go to Israel and it doesn't change how I read the Bible?!" But as it happens I needn't have worried. As I read Matthew this morning it was really strange because when it talked about the places that Jesus was, I could actually picture the scenery and landscape in my mind. Having seen the places made reading very different. I've believed the Bible was reliable and authoritative for many years, but as I read this morning, there was more of an experience of it being rooted in history and a real geography. So I guess it is true, I really won't ever read the Bible the same again. I'm very grateful for the experience.

Unknown Soldier

1 April 2006
Next stop, Piazza Venetia. Across from the old palace where Mussolini stood on his balcony and preached his fascist blah-blah to the masses stands a memorial that includes the tomb of the unknown soldier. Like the one here in D.C., they have guards who watch it around the clock. I don’t know if they change regularly or not but they stare straight ahead and don’t blink like the one’s in our capital.

Afterwards, we ate some good pasta, shopped and had some of the aforementioned gelato (coffee and lemon). We then hopped back on the metro and headed home in time for a nap. All in all, a great day with good weather and great sites.

The Pantheon

1 April 2006
Next stop, the Pantheon. Originally constructed as a temple to a multitude of pagan gods it was redesigned in the second century by Emperor Hadrian and for centuries has served as a church. A couple of Italian kings are buried here as is Raphael (the great artist, not the ninja turtle).

The most amazing part of the building, though, is its architecture. At the top of its dome is a large hole or oculus (pictured). It is not filled in with glass but is open to the elements. So when it rains, water gets in the Pantheon. There are small holes in the floor of the building that allow water to drain out quickly. A large ring around the inside of the hole serves as a sort of capstone and helps keep the dome from collapsing. It is quite a site.

Spanish Steps

1 April 2006
Fist stop, the Piazza Spagne and the Spanish steps. Every tour books says you should see the steps and if memory serves, there is some famous old movie where the heroine sits on these steps and eats gelato. But aside from the Bernini fountain at their base, they are pretty much just steps and we have walked so many steps the last few days that they all start to look the same. That said, I’m glad I saw them.

The Metro

1 April 2006
I don’t know why, but I never quite feel like I’ve had the international experience unless I’ve ridden the public transportation. Today it finally happened. We had a “free day” which meant that the tour bus wasn’t going to pick us up and drive us from location to location. If we wanted to see any more of Rome, we would have to fend for ourselves.

I love opportunities like that. Armed with my trusty DT Top 10 Rome tour book and a few Euros I lead a small group a couple blocks down the street to the Metro stop. We all purchased 24-hour metro passes (good for all forms of public transportation), hopped on the subway and were off.

“Look lady, I never walk into a situation I can’t walk out of.”

31 March 2006
The quote is from Robert DiNero’s character in one of my favorite spy movies, Ronin. The movie has some of the greatest car chase scenes of all time in it. One of the characters drives a Citroën in the movie and I can’t help but think of the movie every time I see one driving around Rome. The side streets here are as narrow as they are in Nice, France where the movie takes place and it is easy to imagine one of these babies chasing an Audi around. Very fun. Oh, and our tour bus driver the first day looked exactly like Jean Reno who played Vincent. I almost asked him if I could take his picture but I didn’t want to freak him out.

The Senate and People of Rome

31 March 2006
For over 2,000 years, the abbreviation of the Latin for the title of this post (SPQR) has served as the symbol of Rome. It is still found all over the city today even on objects as mundane as water line covers in the sidewalks (pictured). It is amazing to be in a place where history and tradition has been preserved for so long. It makes you wonder if we will still see the letters U.S.A. in our part of the world in another 1,800 years.